


what happens in the group chat stays in the group chat

by imposterhuman



Series: school spirit, DEH style [5]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ...but not for long?, F/F, Healthy Sibling Relationships, High School AU, Hospitals, Just you wait - Freeform, M/M, connor with purple hair everyone, evan is too sweet, everyone is mad at jared, everyones alive, im so gay for alana beck, jared eats bath bombs pass it on, just another gc fic, stuffs gonna go down, this is a mess, welp i tried, zoe and alana are the cutest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-18 16:23:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11294355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: just another fluffy group chat fic, ft. jared the bath bomb eater, tree bros, and galaxy gals





	1. of homework and hairdye

**Author's Note:**

> Bath_bomb_eater69= Jared  
> Tinytreechild= Evan  
> Xx_ironicname_xX= Connor  
> zzzzZoeMurphy= Zoe  
> A_Beck= Alana

_ 6:58 PM- “i liek bath bombs” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** welcome to the obligitory we-are-all-in-the-same-class group chat losers

**Tinytreechild:** Jared, how did you manage to spell “obligatory” wrong?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bc fuck you thats why

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** DONT BE MEAN TO MY BF YOU DOOFUS   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** doofus? what are you, 12?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ye on a scale of 1-10 bYE

**A_Beck:** Connor, even you have to admit that one was weak.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** eV BACK ME UP PLS

**Tinytreechild:** Con,,,, honey,,,,, that one sucked

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BETRYAL    
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BETRAYL IN THR HIGHEST FORM   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ...he spells worse than me and No One comments???????????? talk abt betrayal

**A_Beck:** Wasn’t this chat supposed to be about Biology class? Because I have some questions on the material. Zoe, could you come over and help me?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** om my wsy im rnming

 

_ 7:12 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: A_Beck, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**A_Beck:** Can you bring food? I’m starving.

**A_Beck:** I’ll give you extra kisses.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** throw in cuddles and you have a deal, hon

**A_Beck:** Deal.

 

_ 7:15 PM- “i liek bath bombs” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** Someone Is Eager

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** be safe use protection dont do anything i would do

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** fuk u

**Tinytreechild:** Um, don’t you mean “wouldn’t” do?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** no i mean would

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** cmon ev you know me when have i ever not acted impulsively and done a stupid

**Tinytreechild:** Okay, fair.

**Tinytreechild:** Come over, Mom’s out and I have no food.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** omw

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wait what about me

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** gUYSSS

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i RLY DID NEED THE HW   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** WTF U ROMANTIC LOSERS

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** u leave me no choice

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** _ This message is too large. Click to download. _

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** WTF KLIENMAN DID YOU JUST SEND THE WHOLE BEE MOVIE SCRIPT YOU LONLEY PIECE OF TRASH   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i did and i regret nothing

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** teach yall to leave me here alone

**A_Beck:** Can you guys keep it down? Zoe and I are trying to work.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i didnt know making out counted as workign now

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shut up jared

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** you cant judge you just used ‘yall’ in a nonironic way

**A_Beck:** Shut up, Jared. Or I’ll tell Connor about that thing…

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** NO NOT THAT THING I PROMISE ILL SHT UP NOE 

**Tinytreechild:** Wait, what thing?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** you know, the thing involving your bf????

**Tinytreechild:** Oh, that thing! 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wat thing somne tell me 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** nah

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** SOMEONE PLS WTF IS GOING ONNNNNNN

 

_ 7:34 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** evan,,,, light of my life,,, whats the thing????

**Tinytreechild:** I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.

**Tinytreechild:** Also, why are you texting me? You’re literally sitting on top of me?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shush up child unless youre gon tell me abt the “”””thing””””

 

_ 11:56 PM- “i liek bath bombs” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** _ (Picture attached) _

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** FIRST OF ALL FUCK YOU JARED KLEINMAN   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** FUCK YOU IN THE ASS W A CACTUS YOU DOUCHEBAG

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** o shit he did it

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** SECOND OF ALL FUCK YOU TOO OH DEAR SISTER MINE   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** THSI IS AS FUNYN AS I THOUHGT IM W H E E Z I N G

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** THIRD OF ALL ALANA HOW COULD YOU I AM B E T R A Y E D

**A_Beck:** To be fair, maybe you should check beforehand that your shampoo isn’t indigo colored? Just a thought.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** KEEP YUOR LOGIC OUT FO THIS YOU RAT   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** and evan….

**Tinytreechild:** In my defense, you look  _ really  _ hot with purple hair.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** love you <3

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** WHAT

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** THE

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** FUCKKCKKCKCKCKCKKKK

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** WHERE IS HIS ADMONISHMENT

**A_Beck:** Nice vocab, Jared.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** WEHRE IS HIS “FUCK YOU”

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** HE WAS V ER Y C LE A R L Y IN ON  THIS

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you see, i  _ like  _ him so its okay

**Tinytreechild:** Love you, too, Con.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** too sweet im gagging

**A_Beck:** It is 12:15, GO TO BED EVERYONE. GOODNIGHT.

 

_ 12:16 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: A_Beck, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**A_Beck:** Goodnight, honey, love you!

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** night babe, love you too

 

_ 12:16 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** night ev, thx for the purple hair, love you

**Tinytreechild:** Goodnight!

**Tinytreechild:** Also

**Tinytreechild:** Purple hair thing wasn’t  _ all  _ my fault.

**Tinytreechild:** It was a group effort.

**Tinytreechild:** Love you!


	2. all bad things can be fixed with ice cream (and kisses)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is mainly a zoe and alana chapter, with a side of sweet connor being an good boyfriend and an awesome brother

_ 5:43 AM- “jared you stupid fuck” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX renamed the chat “jared you stupid fuck” _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** JARED KLIENMAN

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** WAKE UP YOU STUPID FUCK   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** THE PURPLE WONT COME OUT OF MY HAIR WHAT THE FUCK KINDOF DYE DID YOU USEEEEEEEE   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** first of all, its “kleinman” get it right murphie

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** secondly i object to your renaming of this chat

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** third its not gonna come out for a few days enjoy looking liek one of those trolls w the stick up hair

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** fourth, WHY THE F U C K ARE YOU UP AND WAKING ME AT 545 AM YOU JERKWAD

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bc you are a terrible human and you will feel my wrath in homeroom

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** EVAN HANSEN CONTROL YOUR BF PLS 

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, don’t kill him, just maim, I need his math homework.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** jokes on you you moocher, i didnt  _ do  _ the math hw

**Tinytreechild:** You can kill him.

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX renamed the chat “kill jared klienman squad” _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ITS KLEINMAN

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** WHO THE FUCK CARES GO THE FUCK BACK TO SLEEP YOU FUCKERS 

 

_ 7:01 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hurry up im outside were gonna be late for school

**Tinytreechild:** I was just grabbing some of Mom’s cookies, but if you don’t want them…

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i will forgive your lateness if you give me cookies

 

_ 7:52 AM- “kill jared klienman squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarreeeeeeeeeddddddd

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** where arrrrrrreeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** in class like you should be you fuckin delinquent

**A_Beck:** Stop texting in class, both of you!

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** you tell em honey

**A_Beck:** You too, Zo.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** :(

 

_ 8:15 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Connor?

**Tinytreechild:** Cab yuo come ot teh nursed offuce if yuore not top busy?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** omw what happend

**Tinytreechild:** Mibor panix attakc dobt worey

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** focus on ur breathing ill be there in 2

 

_ 9:01 AM- “kill jared klienman squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zo can you tell johnson im not gonna be in class 3rd

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im at the nurse w ev

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ofc, holy shit is he okay????   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** panic attack, hes doing better but i wanna stay w him just in case

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, you can’t skip classes, go, I’ll be fine.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im omw down to nurses office i have a free

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** murphy go to class ill stay w him

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thx i owe you one

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** this almost makes up for the purple hair

 

_ 9:05 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Bath_bomb_eater69 _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater96:** u okay w me staying instead of murphy?   
**Tinytreechild:** Of course, you’re my best friend.

 

 

_ 10:02 AM- “kill jared klienman squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** Anyone up for skipping the rest of today?   
**Bath_bomb-eater69:** me

**Tinytreechild:** Me.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** me, whats the matter?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** um me ofc but alana what is Up you never skip

**A_Beck:** Stupid, asshole boys in my 3rd period is “what is up”. Im’ getting out of here for the day.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** im omw out, meet you in senior lot?

**A_Beck:** Yeah, that works.

**Tinytreechild:** The rest of us are on our way, see you in 5.

 

_ 10:09 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** are you okay??   
**A_Beck:** No.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wanna talk abt it?   
**A_Beck:** Asshole boys think I’m not smart because I’m a girl, fucking  _ catcall  _ me as I walk by their table, then have the nerve to tell me to “smile more”.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** names??

**A_Beck:** Lou Jordan, Liam Webb, and Ethan Smith.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** you are the single smartest person i know. you are amazing, awesome, and so frickin perfect, i dont know how i got so lucky as to have you as my gf. those boys are assholes and they know absolutely nothing. dont let them get to you, dont let them win, youre too good for their sorry asses.

**A_Beck:** I love you.

 

_ 10:14 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients:  Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** can you fight lou jordan, liam webb, and ethan smith for me? theyre the douchebags who hurt alana

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** on it, get out of here wo me, ill meet up w you guys after detention

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thanks bro

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** anytime sis

 

_ 3:07 PM- “kill jared klienman squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i have been freed

**Tinytreechild:** Oh, thank God. We’re at A La Mode if you want to join us.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** omw get me a scoop of coffee

**Tinytreechild:** Heathen.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but you love me anyway

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** gag

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** is alana okay?   
**Tinytreechild:** Yeah, she’s doing way better. Still mad, but not unable-to-function mad.

 

_ zzzzZoeMurphy renamed the chat “protect alana beck squad” _

 

**A_Beck:** Love you.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** g a g

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shut up kleinman

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ur just jealous of our love

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** I H A V E A R R I V E D

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh no

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** everyone hide

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** WTF EVAN NO DONT GO GREET HIM   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

_ 4:13 PM- “protect alana beck squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** I have learned a valuable lesson today.

**A_Beck:** All bad things can be fixed with ice cream.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** and kisses dont pretend the kisses didnt help

**A_Beck:** And kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos make my day!! 
> 
> have a fantastic day yall


	3. insomniac central

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia, dates, dinner, and hospitals...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a refresher...
> 
> Tinytreechild= Evan  
> Xx_ironicname_xX= Connor  
> Bath_bomb_eater69= Jared  
> zzzzZoeMurphy= Zoe  
> A_Beck= Alana  
> AwesomeMom= Heidi

_ 4:20 AM- “protect alana beck squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** blaze it

**Tinytreechild:** GO TO SLEEP CONNOR WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** go the fuck to sleep douchebag

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor go to sleep or imma come over there and smack u

**A_Beck:** Connor, go to sleep.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** horton hears a hypocrite

 

_ 5:13 AM- “protect alana beck squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** sOMEEEE   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BODY ONCE TOLD ME   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** that youre an ass?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes but thats not relevant rn

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** OW SHE SMACKED ME   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** SHE SMACKED ME AND STOLE MY COFFEE   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EVAN DEFEND ME   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EVAN THIS IS A MORTAL WOUND   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EVAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN   
**Tinytreechild:** Good job, Zoe.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** …

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX renamed the chat “i hate zoe murphy” _

_   
_ **zzzzZoeMurphy:** go to sleep bro

**Xx_ironicname_xX:**  but,, insomnia,,,

 

_ 7: 02 AM- “i hate zoe murphy” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** for the longest time i thougt pinkie pie was spelled w a y

**Tinytreechild:** Wait,  how though? It’s very simple?? 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wait wait like pinkie pay?? wtf ???

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor wtf i had pinkie pie merch and you still didnt notice the spelling??

**Tinytreechild:** Zoe, you were a Brony??? Why????

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shut up i was like 10

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** is no one gonna talk abt how he thought it was pinkie pay

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** that sounds like a fucking bank not a pony wtf

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** no he didnt???

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** yes he did?? he said w an ay???? hence, pinkie pay??

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jared u stupid

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i meant like pinky pie wtf are you on kleinman

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** o shit that makes waaay more sense

**Tinytreechild:** You legitimately thought he meant “Pinkie Pay”? Jared, I thought more of you.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** jared wtf are you even on 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** btw we are Never letting u forget this

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i fucked up 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i rly fucked up

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** _ Click to download image _

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** a+ meme usage bro

**Tinytreechild:** I can’t get over the fact that Jared thought you meant “Pinkie Pay”.

**A_Beck:** Jared, what the hell.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i feel attacked

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i feel personally attacked

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** good that was the intention

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** pinkie pay??? rly???

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** pinkie pay up motherfuckers

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** sounds like smthng a mlp gangster mob would say

 

_ zzzzZoeMurphy renamed the chat “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

 

**A_Beck:** You all do realize that it’s a Saturday, there’s no school, and ALL OF YOU are up at 7:15? Have any of you ever heard of sleeping in?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** …

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** …

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** … 

 

_ 9:27 AM- Private Message  _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im outside

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you ready to go?

**Tinytreechild:** Yeah, just grabbing a jacket, meet you outside in 2.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** take ur time

 

_ 9:28 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, AwesomeMom _

 

**Tinytreechild:** I’m going out with Connor, I’ll be back around 12.

**AwesomeMom:** Have fun sweetie! I should be off my shift at 4, see you then :)

 

_ 9:29 AM- “connor/evan date helpers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** is everything set up at the orchard? evan and i maybe 10 mins away

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ye bro everythings good, ur decorations stayed up fine, u owe me food

**A_Beck:** I grabbed your picnic basket, you forgot it. It’s right by the front gate.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** there are condoms inside just in case ;)

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** lol jk

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuck you kleinman

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** sorry, not my type

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** good luck

 

_ 12:02 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Connor is the sweetest boyfriend ever I just thought you guys should know. 

**A_Beck:** So I take it the date went well?

**Tinytreechild:** Oh my gosh, it was amazing! He even put streamers in the trees! Who does that?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** handsome and romantic devils

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** HANDSOME I SAY

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i would like to make it clear that any food you ate was made by me n alana, connor cant cook for shit

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** and i did basiccally nothing but moral support so you have me to thank for the idea getting off the ground

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shut up jared

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you did nothing

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks, guys.

**Tinytreechild:** Now, I gotta go, it’s movie time.

**A_Beck:** Bye!   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** byeeeeee

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** be safe use protection

 

_ 4:01 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, AwesomeMom _

 

**AwesomeMom:** I’m on my way back, see you in 10

**Tinytreechild:** Okay.

 

_ 4:19 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor im warning you rn

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** if u say blaze it im going to take your phone and throw it out the window

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ...noted

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im actually gonna take a nap, i dont feel so hot

**A_Beck:** Oh no, are you sick?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** nah prolly not just a stress headache

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** have a nice nap

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ...that does not feel sincere

 

_ 6:07 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients:Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Do you want to come over for dinner? Mom’s making tacos.

**Tinytreechild:** ...Hello? You there?

**Tinytreechild:** You’re probably still napping, so for whenever you see these, we’ll save a taco for you :)

 

_ 7:15 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** _ Click to download image _

**Tinytreechild:** My dinner’s better than yours.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im coming over save me food

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shit all we have is vegan lasagna

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** lucky connor sleeping through this crap

**A_Beck:** Zo, come to my house, we have burgers.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ill be there in 10

 

_ 8:15 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients:Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** You okay?

**Tinytreechild:** You’ve been napping for like, 4 hours.

**Tinytreechild:** Call me when you get these?

 

_ 8:28 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients:Tinytreechild, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Can you check on Connor? I’m worried, he hasn’t responded in hours and normally he’s a light sleeper.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ye, checking rn

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks :)

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** calk 911

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** hes barlet braethimg CALL 911

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the whole "pinkie pay" thing actually happened to me, i legitimately thought that my friend meant pinkie pay and No One has let me forget it
> 
> why do you think evan has to call 911? whats wrong with connor? drop me a comment (i need ideas!)


	4. hospitals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hospitals, angst, and tears

“This is 911, what’s your emergency?”   
“My boyfriend, Connor Murphy, is really sick? Hang on…”

“Can you be more specific?”   
“Sorry, I’m not with him right now so his sister is texting me. Apparently he’s burning up, shallow breathing, oh shit he’s bleeding a lot, shit, shit, shit…”   
“Sir, remain calm, what’s the address, we’re sending an ambulance.”   
“Um… 59 Birch Road. Please hurry!”

**“** We’re on our way.”

\---

 

_ 8:52 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** EMERGENCY CAN SOMEONW MEET ME AT THE HOSPUTAL   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** omw what happened

**Tinytreechild:** Connor got hurt don’t know anything more than that Mom’s taking me to the hospital but I don’t want to be alone and she cant’ stay

**A_Beck:** Zoe’s driving me over there as soon as the ambulance comes for Connor.

 

_ 9:04 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Bath_bomb_eater69 _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** u ok?

**Tinytreechild:** No

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im here for u, you dont have to panic alone

 

_ 9:06 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, AwesomeMom _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Hes’ in the er 

**AwesomeMom:** I know, honey, I just swapped with Janet so I could be his nurse, I’ll keep you posted. Stay calm. Focus on your breathing.

**Tinytreechild:** Thakn yuo

 

_ 9:07 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Connor

**Tinytreechild:** I need you to be okay

**Tinytreechild:** Because without you

**Tinytreechild:** I don’t think I can be okay

**Tinytreechild:** You’re one of the best things in my life

**Tinytreechild:** I don’t think I can handle not having you

**Tinytreechild:** I don’t know what’s happening right now and it’s killing me

**Tinytreechild:** I’m actually on the verge of a panic attack

**Tinytreechild:** The only thing helping me right now is you

**Tinytreechild:** I’m remembering how you help me when I’m like this

**Tinytreechild:** 5 things I can see:

**Tinytreechild:** There’s blood on Zoe’s jeans

**Tinytreechild:** Holy shit that’s  _ your  _ blood on Zoe’s jeans I cna’t do this oh god

**Tinytreechild:** I can do this I have to do this

**Tinytreechild:** I can see the nurses running around

**Tinytreechild:** I can see your family, they’re all here

**Tinytreechild:** I can see all of our friends they’re here too

**Tinytreechild:** I can see Zoe’s tears, she’s crying a lot

**Tinytreechild:** I can see how bright the lights are, kind of like the sun when you first took me to the orchard, but harsher

**Tinytreechild:** 4 things I can hear:

**Tinytreechild:** Heart monitors beeping

**Tinytreechild:** Nurses shouting

**Tinytreechild:** Oh god I hope that wasn’t you they called the time of death for

**Tinytreechild:** Please don’t let it be you

**Tinytreechild:** I can hear Alana comforting Zoe

**Tinytreechild:** Where are you I need you to comfort me

**Tinytreechild:** I can hear Jared’s shoes squeaking because he’s pacing

**Tinytreechild:** 3 things I can feel:

**Tinytreechild:** Your hoodie, the one I stole from you earlier so you wouldn’t get heatstroke

**Tinytreechild:** I don’t think I’ll ever giive it back

**Tinytreechild:** I can feel my phone in my hand

**Tinytreechild:** I can feel my leg bouncing 

**Tinytreechild:** I’m so scared Connor

**Tinytreechild:** 2 things I can smell:

**Tinytreechild:** Blood

**Tinytreechild:** Antiseptic

**Tinytreechild:** 1 thing I can taste:   
**Tinytreechild:** Blood, i bit through my lip

**Tinytreechild:** It doesn’t work as well without you here helping me

**Tinytreechild:** What happened, Connor?   
**Tinytreechild:** Did you try again?   
**Tinytreechild:** I thought you were doing better

**Tinytreechild:** No one is telling me anything

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, I need you to be okay

**Tinytreechild:** All I can think about is how  _ alive  _ you were today at the orchard

**Tinytreechild:** How did we get here?   
**Tinytreechild:** What  _ happened _ ?

 

_ 9:45 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, AwesomeMom _

 

**AwesomeMom:** He’s stable.

**AwesomeMom:** They’re still running some tests, but it seems like bacterial meningitis. 

**AwesomeMom:** Good thing you got to him when you did, because any later and he could have died. He’s going to be okay. 

**Tinytreechild:** What about the blood?

**AwesomeMom:** Head wound. He fell out of bed, cut his head on something. He’s sleeping right now, I’ll call you when he wakes up.

**Tinytreechild:** Thank god.

**AwesomeMom:** You need to get tested, too, because it’s contagious if you have close contact with an infected person. Odds are, you don’t have it, but as we saw today, it is rapid onset and I’d rather be safe than sorry. Tell your friends to get tested too.

**Tinytreechild:** Okay. Thank you, mom.

**AwesomeMom:** I love you, honey.

 

_ 9:49 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** It’s bacterial meningitis.

**Tinytreechild:** He should make a full recovery.

**Tinytreechild:** In the meantime, Mom says all of us need to get tested for it, just in case. 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh thank god thank god thank god

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** hes gonna be okay thank god

**A_Beck:** Thank goodness he’s going to recover.

**A_Beck:** I’ll talk to a nurse about getting us tested.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** good if hed died i wouldve killed him

**Tinytreechild:** Seconded.

 

_ 9:56 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** You’re going to be okay.

**Tinytreechild:** I love you.

 

_ 9:57 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thank you evan hansen

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** he wouldve died if u hadnt told me to check on him

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thank u for saving my brother

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** now get over here and give me a hug

 

_10:17- Private Message_

_Recipients: Tinytreechild, Bath_bomb_eater69_

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** hes gonna be okay, uk that, right?

**Tinytreechild:** I know.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** then try to calm down a lil

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** focus on ur breathing

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** in for 7, hold for 4, out for 8

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** hugs, yay or nay?

**Tinytreechild:** Yes please

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** omw over 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** focus on ur breathing 

 

_ 11:11 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** 1111 make a wish

**Tinytreechild:** I wish Connor would wake up.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** me too

**A_Beck:** Me too.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** me 2

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wishes granted

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sokkas_First_Fangirl was right! bacterial meningitis! which is really bad! sorry connor


	5. hospitals the sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> family drama is brewing ft. drugged up connor and Healthy Sibling Relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New people-  
> MaplessMom: Cynthia  
> FuckingLarry: Larry

_ 11:11 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** speak of the devil and he appears

**Tinytreechild:** CONNOR YOU’RE AWAKE   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor you lil shit how long have you been awake and waiting to do some dramatic reveal

**A_Beck:** I’m glad you’re awake, are you feeling any better?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** a) jared if im satan im gonna make your afterlife SUCK in hell

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ...kinky

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** b) ev yes i am awake and you gotta come visit me sneak in and pretend to be heidi

**Tinytreechild:** Under no circumstances would that work.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** c) shut up zo ive only been up for like 5 minutes, 3 of which were spent convincing heidi to give me my phone

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** uh huh

**zzzzZoeMurphy** :  you still waited 2 mins, you drama queen

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** d) thank u alana i am feeling like i just got dragged behind a truck for 6 hours by my hair but s’all good bc theyre doping me on a LOT of drugs atm so 

**A_Beck:** Well that can’t be fun.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** only downside is noise hurts bc i have a  raging headache so anyone who comes to visit: NO TALKING OR ILL FIGHT YOU AND YOUR DOG   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** none of us have dogs

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im getting your dog first, kleinman

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** okey theyre saying fam first so that means you zo

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** sneak ev in too say hes my cousin or smthgn

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** im p sure you would blow that cover by trying to kiss him

**Tinytreechild:** Zoe’s right, I’ll come in later.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ugh fine

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** O SHIT IS FUCKING LARRY HERE   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ..yes

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shit

 

_ 11:26 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im so sorry

**Tinytreechild:** What for?? You’re just sick, you didn’t do anything wrong.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im sorry that you felt so bad over me 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im sorry for worrying you

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im sorry that you thought i tried again

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im sorry that thats a valid thought

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i am also sorry for possibly infecting you u should get tested

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, this isn’t your fault. You shouldn’t be sorry that I worry, that’s basically my job as your boyfriend.

**Tinytreechild:** Don’t be sorry. Focus on feeling better, I’ll see you soon.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i love you

**Tinytreechild:** I love you too. Get ready, Zoe and your parents just went back.

 

_ 11:31 PM- _ . _ ”dysfunctional family” _

_ Recipients: MaplessMom, FuckingLarry, zzzzZoeMurphy, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shhh no talking it hurts my poor delicate meningitis head

**MaplessMom:** How are you feeling, honey? Do you need anything? Water?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i feel like i just fell off of a fucking bridge into a pile of fossilized shit

**FuckingLarry:** Language, young man!   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ok, “fuckinglarry”

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** pot, meet kettle

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** hows ur “head wound”? i cant believe you fell out of bed and got blood everywhere

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** guess who has to clean that up?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** this gal!   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** woah i dont think u r excited enough to see me

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** lets try that again w feeling this time

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** bro,,, i love u,,, but if you EVER get sick like this again 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i will kill u myself

**MaplessMom:** Zoe, that’s quite enough, don’t stress out your brother.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yeah zo dont stress me out

**FuckingLarry:** Connor, watch your tone.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** WE ARE T E X T I N G I HAVE NO TONE

**zzzzZoeMurphy:**  dad drop it

**MaplessMom:** Changing the subject, Connor, we were all so worried! And we’re so glad you’re okay.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** mom u sound like a hallmark card

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** pls dont pretend you were concerned when u and larry were ready to kick me out a few months ago

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i cant deal w you guys right now i cannot handle you guys pretending like were some perfect family when all wee do behind closed doors is yell and shout and slap and scream 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** please just go home we can talk later

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** except u zo pls stay

**FuckingLarry:** Fine. We will talk more when you come home, mark my words.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** cant wait

 

_ 11:42 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you guys can come back now

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** remember no talking

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** u look like shit

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** youre looking in the mirror, im a little to the left

**Tinytreechild:** Oh my god your head looks terrible, does it hurt???   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** not since they upped my pain meds

**A_Beck:** I’m gonna have to agree with both Evan and Jared (for the first time in my life). You look terrible.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i cant believe this who tf gets BACTERIAL MENINGITIS out of nowhere wtf connor

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** what can i say im a special boy

**Tinytreechild:** Stop being so smug, you’re literally in a hospital bed pumped full of drugs.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes but i get free meals

**Tinytreechild:** Of hospital food, which tastes like shit, so I really am not seeing how you win.

**A_Beck:** Not to be a spoilsport, but visiting hours are ending, we have to go or they’ll come and kick us out.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bye connor dont die in ur sleep

**A_Beck:** Bye, Connor, feel better. Depending on if you’re still here Monday, I’ll get your schoolwork for you.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thanks lana, fuck you jared

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** lana im ur ride, ill be out in 5 lemme just talk to connor real quick

**Tinytreechild:** Bye, Connor, love you, text me.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bye ev

 

_ 11:56 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** uk theres gonna be hell to pay after what you said to larry and mom right

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** what can i say these drugs are removing my filter

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** what filter

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** u gonna be safe there for the night? theyre not gonna go all batshit, are they?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i think itll be okay? all the same, im gonna stay w lana if shes okay w that, evan if shes not

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** good

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** love you, goodnight

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** and zo?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thank u for finding me

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** just dont make a habit out of it, thatll be thanks enough

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should be studying for finals
> 
> instead im writing this
> 
> oops
> 
> give me ideas for where i should take this! its all up in the air right now


	6. no filters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> family drama (cont.), discharge, and middle names

_ 3:49 AM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX has renamed the chat “hospitals suck ass” _ _   
_ __   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** my drugs have worn off

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** everything hurts

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** and im hungry

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but the only food i have

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** is hospital trash

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** OH WAIT   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** I HAVE CANDY IN MY POCKETS   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ...i have temporarily misplaced my pockets

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i need more pain meds my head hurts

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** if i scream will someone come give me shit

**Tinytreechild:** Connor Murphy go the fuck to sleep or no kisses for a week.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but i dooooonnnnttttt waaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaa

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i am Injured and Sick and i need a gentle healing touch evan

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** kinky

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wtf kleinman do you just wait for an opening in the conversation to say that bc thats all you have to add these days

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** u know me so well

**Tinytreechild:** What the hell, Jared, that wasn’t even kinky, he was just complaining that I’m not coddling him enough.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn straight

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn gay????

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** what do we, the gays, do abt expressions that say straight like for example

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** “go straight to hell”

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** do we say go gay to hell? go bi to hell? 

**Tinytreechild:** GO TO SLEEP CONNOR.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ...so maybe the drugs havent  _ fully  _ worn off yet

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** o shiy nurdes comng 4 chexkin gotts hife phone

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ur typing is atrocious

**A_Beck:** Good vocab word.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** zoe murphy where is ur comment abt her weird ass timing she only shows up when some1 uses vocab words wtf alana

**A_Beck:** Shut up, Jared.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** Hi, this is Connor’s nurse, Heidi. Connor needs to rest, so if you guys could please not text him for the rest of the night? Thank you.

**Tinytreechild:** Sorry, Mom. Goodnight Connor.

**A_Beck:** Goodnight!

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** sorry we got caught ms. hansen tell connor congrats on getting his phone taken away

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** night connor, night ms hansen

 

_ 7:02 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** guess who got their phone back

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why is no one else awakw

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** aaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyooooooonnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** id even accept kleinmans company at this point

 

_ 7:06 AM- Private Message _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ev you up

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i just need a distraction rn

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** uk im not good w hospitals

**Tinytreechild:** Yeah, I’m here, what do you want to talk about?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** legit anything unrelated to hospitals or sickness or anything under that umbrella

**Tinytreechild:** So, bananas.

**Tinytreechild:** Did you know that humans share 60% of their DNA with bananas?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i did not wow

**Tinytreechild:** Or that there was a literal banana apocalypse? That’s why artificial banana flavoring tastes different than regular bananas.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** holy shit

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why did i not hear abt this banana apocalypse before now

**Tinytreechild:** Because never in your life have you cared about banana flavoring.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thats cold

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** true

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but cold

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why do you know this stuff though?

**Tinytreechild:** I was reading up on banana “trees” (they aren’t trees, just the world’s largest herb) and found a lot of other relevant information pertaining to bananas.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ev,,,, you know i love you,,,, but wtf why banana trees

**Tinytreechild:** ** banana herbs

**Tinytreechild:** Bananas are very important plants and I figured that I should learn some things about them, just in case, you know?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thats so weird

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but a good weird

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** brb theyre doing vitals

**Tinytreechild:** Okay. 

 

_ 7:16 AM- “dysfunctional family” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: MaplessMom, FuckingLarry, zzzzZoeMurphy, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**FuckingLarry:** Connor, I’ve spoken with the doctors and they say that you can come home later today if your vitals are stable and you show no further symptoms.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** boy oh boy am i excited

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ill do my best to not be sick

**MaplessMom:** We’re coming to visit in a few hours, do you need us to bring you anything?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** a million dollars and a pony

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** well no can do bro were fresh outta ponies

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn

 

_ 9:14 AM- Private Message _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** sorry after vitals they doped me up again so i fell asleep

**Tinytreechild:** No problem, I figured as much.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you gonna come visit today?   
**Tinytreechild:** Of course, any idea on when you’re getting out?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hopefully later today?? fucking larry says if my vitals and shit are good im free

**Tinytreechild:** Are they coming to visit you too?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** unfortunately, yes

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i gtg nurse is back

**Tinytreechild:** Bye, love you.

 

_ 9:47 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ah its so nice here wo connors snarky ass

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** surprise bitch

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i s2g ur just WAITING for a dramatic moment to jump into the convo arent u

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes was that not obvious

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor were on our way

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ah shit

  
  


_ 9:49 AM- Private Message _ _   
_ _ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** larrys pissed off today dont test him

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** there goes my favorite pastime

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** hes prolly gonna spend most of the time talking w the doctors but do not fuck w him today

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thanks for the warning lil sis

 

_ 9:52 AM- Private Message _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im probably gonna majorly fuck up in the near future bc my impulse control has gone out the window w these meds

**Tinytreechild:** What are you going to fuck up? 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fucking larrys coming and hes pissed

**Tinytreechild:** Oh shit. When he comes, pretend to be sleeping and my mom will kick him out for you.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** have i ever told u how much i love u and ur mom?

**Tinytreechild:** Once or twice.

**Tinytreechild:** I’ll come visit around 10:15.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** see you then

 

_ 9:56 AM- Private Message _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Tinytreechild, AwesomeMom _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Can you send Mr. Murphy away when he visits Connor? Connor doesn’t want to see him so he’s going to pretend to sleep.

**AwesomeMom:** Of course. Tell Connor he has nothing to worry about.

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks, Mom.

 

_ 10:02 AM- “dysfunctional family” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: MaplessMom, FuckingLarry, zzzzZoeMurphy, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**MaplessMom:** For when you wake up, Connor, the doctors say that you can be released later today, but you’re going to be on a strict antibiotic regimen. You’re going to have to drink plenty of fluids and stay home from school tomorrow, but then you should be fine. 

**FuckingLarry:** We will come to get you at 7. Be ready by then. All of the paperwork is already done.

 

_ 10:11 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** CRISIS AVERTED   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** rly? the whole hospital thing confused me

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shut up jared 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i did not buy the whole sleeping thing btw

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** good bc if you did youd be stupid

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** oh evs here i gotta go

 

_ 10:14 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Is your head still hurting?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ye thanks for asking, no noise yet

**Tinytreechild:** So any news on what caused this?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** no clue, but thats normal, sometimes it happens completely randomly

**Tinytreechild:** Well that’s a scary thought.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ill protect you from the scary scary Bacterial Meningitis

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** STOP RAISING YOUR EYEBROW ITS S A S S Y   
**Tinytreechild:** Gotta get my skepticism out there somehow.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** unrelated but i have not brushed my hair in like 2 days and its matted and theres still blood in it and i feel Gross

**Tinytreechild:** You look gross.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** I FEEL ATTACKED   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EV YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REASSURE ME WTF   
**Tinytreechild:** I just agreed with you…

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you suck

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** DID YOU JUST WINK AT ME   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** HANSEN DID WE LIKE SWITCH PERSONALITIES TODAY OR SMTHNG   
**Tinytreechild:** No, because you’d be a lot more charming if we had.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i need ice for that burn omg

**Tinytreechild:** I brought a hairbrush and a pack of wet wipes, do you want me to help you clean up a little?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hell yes thank u

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** OW THAT SQUEAK WAS BC YOU PULLED MY HAIR OUT OF MY SKULL   
**Tinytreechild:** Oops?

**Tinytreechild:** It’s 11:15, I have to go now :(

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** okay :(((

**Tinytreechild:** Get some sleep, I’ll see you later. Love you.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bye ev, love you too

 

_ 6:37 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** im rly bored anyone want to see pics of tiny connor

**Tinytreechild:** Ooh, I do.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** me i always need more blackmail material

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** feast your eyes

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** _ Six (6) images attached. Click to download. _

**Tinytreechild:** Holy shit is that Connor in a tap costume?? That’s adorable.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** he had braces wth i do not remember this

**A_Beck:** It doesn’t look like Connor without the long hair, though.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** he only started growing it out last year to piss off larry though so

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i jst woke up whatd i miss

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hOLY SHIT ZOE NO WHYD YOU SEND THOSE   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ZOE WHYYY

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh stop whining i only sent the good ones

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i couldve sent the one w the glue and the ice cream cones but i am a Good Sister

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zo youre the best sister anyone could ask for so angelic in all ways

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thats what i thought youd say

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** were on our way to pick you up

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ah shit

 

_ 9:03 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _ _   
_ _ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** IM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and also clean i took a very long shower it was nice i am also still a lil bit drugged from the pain meds but that should wear off soon

**Tinytreechild:** Glad you’re home :)

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** if you scream one more FUCKIN time connor harold murphy, i will send you BACK to the hospital IN PIECES

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** harold?????? you have a lame-ass middle name, connor HAROLD murphy

**Tinytreechild:** You have no room to talk, Jared Muriel Kleinman.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** evan i trusted u w that secret and you betray me like this how dare you

**Tinytreechild** : You shouldn’t have told me then. 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** any more embarassing middle names we need to share as a group

**Tinytreechild:** Mine’s John.

**A_Beck:** I don’t have one.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** mines jean

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so the only reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally bad ones are mine and jareds? Unfair??   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i dont want to be lumped w him!

**A_Beck:** Everyone, go to sleep. School tomorrow!   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** always the voice of reason, lana. night all

**Tinytreechild:** Night!   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** night losers

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** niiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttttt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was loooooooooong
> 
> give me plot suggestions, guys!


	7. concerts and mystery dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boredom, concerts, anxiety, and jared's mystery date

_ 2:46 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** soooooo

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ik alana said to stop texting bc school tmmrw

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but i dont have school tmmrw

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so i can keep texting

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** see logic

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** is anyone there

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im here wtf is going on

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** murphy are u high

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** is anyone except jared here

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** no i am not high i am simply sleep deprived and bored

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so suck it kleinman

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** woah woah slow down dinner and a movie first pls

**Xx_ironicname_xX:**  ...

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im going to sleep now goodbye burn in hell

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ditto

 

_ 6:02 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Can we as a society ban Mondays?

**A_Beck:** No, because then we’d have a 6-day week and too many extra days to form an even number of weeks, and also you’d just hate Tuesdays the way you hate Mondays.

**Tinytreechild:** Okay, fair, I accept that.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** y are you both up at 6am

**Tinytreechild:** School?   
**A_Beck:** Same.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ew

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** haha suckers you have to go to school today 

**A_Beck:** I’ll pick you up all of your work so you don’t fall behind.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** lana,,,, pls no,,,, its rly okay

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** dont worry connor ill make sure it gets to you

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** e tu, brute

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** GO BACK TO SLEEP MY ALARM DOESNT GO OFF TIL 7 L E T M E R E S T

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** NO I REFUSE   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hleihdahgdkahgsdj

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i took his phone away hell get it back in a few hours

**Tinytreechild:** Good job.

 

_ 7:03 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Can I catch a ride with you to school today?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ofc but u owe me food

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks.

 

_ 7:43 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** guess who got their phone and a dose of painkillers

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** THIS KID   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** my hair is so messy should i just cut it off

**Tinytreechild:** NO. NO DON’T DO THAT.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wasnt planning to, just knew itd get ur attention

**Tinytreechild:** You’re evil.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but you love me anyway

**Tinytreechild:** Gotta go, first bell rang.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** :(((((

 

_ 12:02 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** mandatory propaganda- jazz band concert at 7 tonight show up or ill flay you alive

**A_Beck:** I’ll go if you admit orchestra is better than band.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** nEVER

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** so ill pick u up at 630?

**A_Beck:** Sounds good.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i have a date tonight sorry cant go

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wait rly w who

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** your mom

**Tinytreechild:** I know who it is.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** what the shit how i didnt even tell u

**Tinytreechild:** Yes you did???? In first period??

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** shit u right

**Tinytreechild:** Zoe, I’ll be at your concert too.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i am sick

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but i shall go to show my support for my lil sis

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** what a sacrifice on ur part, oh tortured brother

**A_Beck:** Class is starting! Bye guys!

 

_ 12:06 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** whos jared date

**Tinytreechild:** I’ll never tell.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ill tickle it out of u

**Tinytreechild:** I’m not ticklish. You are.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ah shit

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** tell me anyway?

**Tinytreechild:** No.

 

_ 1:05 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** my god how long is school why is no one talking to me

 

_ 2:51 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** School is 7 hours long, like it is every day, Connor.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ye but those 7 hrs feel like 400 yrs when u tried to get food and fell and have been flailing like a tortoise on its back for 30 mins bc zo isnt home yet

**Tinytreechild:** What the hell, Connor.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** “help ive fallen and i cant get up!”   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** I JUST WANTED CHEETOS AND I WAS SO CLOSE TOO THE BAGS ON THE COUNTER BUT IM ON THE FLOOR

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** y didnt u just… oh idk… stand up???

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i have bby giraffe legs and currently they are unstable

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ill be home in five calm urself

**Tinytreechild:** Take pictures.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BETRAYAL EVAN WTF NO   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** _ One (1) image attached. Click to download. _

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** _ One (1) video attached. Click to download. _

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** damn u swear a lot

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuck u 

**Tinytreechild:** That picture is my new phone background.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** evan i trusted u how could you betray me like this

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im saving these fir next time connors an ass

**Tinytreechild:** Fir? Like fir trees?    
**Tinytreechild:** I have some facts about fir trees if anyone wants to know.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** spam us

**Tinytreechild:** Fir trees have upward facing pinecones, unlike most other evergreen species.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** why do my typos spawn alternate convos

**Tinytreechild:** Their branches grow in a whorl around the tree every year, so it’s easy to determine the tree’s age.

**Tinytreechild:** Douglas Firs aren’t even real firs! They’re imposters.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** this is adorable

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** did connor murphy, the infamous emo stoner, just use the word adorable wo a trace of irony

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** it takes the fun out of teasing u if u agree w it stop doing that

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** hksdfhkfsajgksahgkjasklf

 

_ 3:13 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** You doing better today?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yee

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** headache is mostly gone 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** can tolerate noise

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** miss ur voice

**Tinytreechild:** Call me, then.

\---

_ Incoming call from Connor <3 _

**_Accept_ ** _ Reject _

“Hi, Connor.”   
“Hi Ev.”   
“How are you?”   
“I’m… eh. Comme ci, comme ça.”

“You know I don’t understand French.”   
“Je t’aime.”   
“Oh! I know that one! That’s ‘I love you’, right?”   
“Yep!”   
“I love you too.”   
“How was school?”   
“Hellish. Too crowded, it’s hard without you there.”

“Aww, how sweet. I missed you too.”   
“You excited for Zoe’s concert?”   
“Very. Not excited about leaving the house, because my hair looks like a bird’s nest and all of my nail polish has chipped off. But I’m excited to see her play. You?”   
“I’m excited to see you there. Little worried because… you know… crowds. But it shouldn’t be that bad because no one will expect me to talk.”

“Yeah, I get that. If you feel uncomfortable, you shouldn’t go. Zoe will understand.”   
“No! No.. I want to go! I just wish it wasn’t so hard for me to go out in public.”

“It’s okay, Ev. Oh!”   
“What? Did you fall again?”   
“No, I had an idea. I’ll pick you up before the concert, is 6:45 okay?”   
“Wait, what’s your idea?!?!?”   
“Shhhh, it’s a surprise.”

“CONNOR MURPHY.”   
“Evan Hansen?”   
“You’re insufferable.”   
“But you love me anyway?”   
“Of course I do.”

“See you at 6:45, I gotta go. Zoe’s calling.”   
“Bye Con, love you!”   
“Bye Ev, love you too. Thank you for letting me call you.”

\---

_ 4:03 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** quick poll, what color should i paint connors nails

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bubblegum pink

**A_Beck:** Hmm… plum.

**Tinytreechild:** Plum’s a nice color.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bubblegum pink

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bUBBLEGUM PINK

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** plum it is

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** god damn it

 

_ 5:47 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** _ One (1) picture attached. Click to download. _

**Tinytreechild:** Nice braid.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** what is up w all the sibling bonding time

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** first nail painting now hair braiding whats next, bff bracelets?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jealous?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** _ soooooooo jealous _

**A_Beck:** Zoe, you have to braid my hair sometime, that looks really nice.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thanks hon :)

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, you feel presentable yet?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i am wearing a batman footie so no

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** LOLOLOL A BATMAN FOOTIE WTF MURPHY   
**Tinytreechild:** Jared,  _ you  _ have a Batman footie, you can’t throw stones.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** OMG I CAN TWIN W JARED IM  _ SOOOOO HAPPY _ _   
_ **Bath_bomb_eater69:** tone down the sarcasm there 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** dont worry im burning mine as we speak

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh guys dress nice tonight 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** or else

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** or else what

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ill sic connor on you

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you dont even have to pay me anything zo ill do it for free

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** jokes on you im not going

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh i forgot, u have a “””date”””

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** how did u even manage to get a date

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** if you could do it, so can i

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** except im incredibly good looking which makes up for my terrible personality

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** what do you have going for u

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** a normal sized ego, for one

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor jsut threw his phone across the room jared u win this one

**Tinytreechild:** Jared: 1, Connor: 0.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** OBJECTION YOUR HONOR   
**Tinytreechild:** This isn’t a court?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i  _ know  _ i have to have some points over kleinman

**Tinytreechild:** Jared: 1, Connor: -1.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you suck

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** NO ONE SAY IT

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ...kinky

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn you

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** lana im on my way be ready

**A_Beck:** Okay :)

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ev ill be there in like 20 mins

**Tinytreechild:** Okay.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** haha suckers my rides here already byeee

**Tinytreechild:** Have fun!   
  


_ 6:29 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** here :)   
**A_Beck:** Coming!   
  


_ 6:45 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im outside hurry up

**Tinytreechild:** Will you tell me what your idea was yet?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i told u, its a surprise

**Tinytreechild:** Ugh.

 

_ 7:03 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** _ This  _ was your surprise?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shh no squeaking they’ll hear u on stage

**Tinytreechild:** You hid us backstage? Why?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bc you said you wish it wasn’t so crowded

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so now we can still hear the music but its only us

**Tinytreechild:** You’re too good to me.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yeah, well, u started it

**Tinytreechild:** I love you.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** love you too

 

_ 9:53 PM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** Connor and Evan, where were you guys? I didn’t see you anywhere.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** we snuck backstage and listened from there

**A_Beck:** What? Why?   
**Tinytreechild:** Anxiety.

**A_Beck:** You okay?   
**Tinytreechild:** I think so, yeah.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** a) connor and evan you fckin delinquents

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** b) whatd you guys think of the concert?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you did great!   
**Tinytreechild:** Yeah, you sounded awesome.

**A_Beck:** Woah. Just, woah.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thanks guys :)))

 

_ 10:15 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** You did really great tonight, Zo.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thanks lana

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** sleep well, babe

**A_Beck:** Goodnight, hon.

 

_ 10:17 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Thank you, Con.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** anytime

**Tinytreechild:** Try to sleep now.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fiiiiiine

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** night night

**Tinytreechild:** Sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are getting longer and longer i am Proud
> 
> theyre also all very connor-centric at the moment, but im gonna switch it up a bit for the next few chapters...
> 
> i was too weak to leave jared all alone, who do you think he's going out with?
> 
> as always, i live off of your comments and kudos (kindof like a comment&kudos vampire? do those exist?)


	8. coupling off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysteries, anniversaries, and tickles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to do a bit more zolana here, will add waaaaay more in future chapters

_ 4:20 AM- “hospitals suck ass” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** blaze it

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** why do you always do this

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** honestly idk i havent smoked in like 3 months so 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** congrats

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** and i mean that wo a trace of mockery

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thank u

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** how was ur mystery date

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** some mockery meant

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** it was great actually i really like him

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** HAH so its a guy that elimantes 50% of the population

**A_Beck:** **Eliminates

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thank u alana

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** he doesnt even go here so good luck figuring out who he is

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** this feels like a challenge

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** good bc it is one

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wait cant i just ask ev

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** no thats cheating

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuck

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX renamed the chat “who is he jared” _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** y do you always rename the chat instead of just texting 

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX renamed the chat “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** go to sleep

 

_ 6:02 AM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Why must you guys do this every morning?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i ask myself the same question every day

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EV WHO IS JARED GOING OUT W   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** DO NOT TELL HIM EVAN    
**Tinytreechild:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ...hes not coming back

**A_Beck:** No, he’s not.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** all of u go the hell back to sleep before someone gets murdered

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** except u lana imma text you

 

_ 6:06 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** morning sweetie

**A_Beck:** Good morning, babe. How’d you sleep?   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** like the dead, hbu? is ur insomnia getting any better? does the melatonin work?

**A_Beck:** I did not sleep. Sleep is for the weak. 

**A_Beck:** And for my girlfriend because she is not weak.

**A_Beck:** Insomnia isn’t any better, I haven’t been able to sleep well for 3 days. Melatonin’s not working, sadly…

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** want me to come over tonight? 

**A_Beck:** If it’s not too much trouble, yes please.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** of course, ill bring popcorn if you provide the movie

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** AND NOT A DOCUMENTARY I REQUIRE AT LEAST ONE DRAGON   
**A_Beck:** We are running out of dragon movies, Zo.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** there are 93 30-min episodes of dragon tales lana we always have dragon tales

**A_Beck:** I am not watching Dragon Tales.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** then find a good movie

**A_Beck:** Love you

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** love you too

 

_ 6:17 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild _

 

**Tinytreechild:** How was the date?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** it was awesome, jd is rly nice, and hes rly hot so thats a plus

**Tinytreechild:** How did you guys meet, again?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** he works at lush 

**Tinytreechild:** I thought you got banned from Lush?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** yeah but he doesnt know that

**Tinytreechild:** I’m glad it went well! When are you gonna see him again?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im gonna ask him to get ice cream tmmrw

**Tinytreechild:** Fun!

 

_ 6:32 AM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jared can i have a hint

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** no

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** there are no hints

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn you

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bc its funny to watch you flounder

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** and besides a hint wont help u

**Tinytreechild:** Jared’s right, Con, you don’t know him.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** then how tf am i supposed to figure it out

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i think the point is that ur not

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shut up w your logic zo

**A_Beck:** She’s right.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i feel attacked

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why are you guys ganging up on me

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** especially u ev

**Tinytreechild:** Because this is insanely funny to me..

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** okay fair

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** is evan the only one here who knows (besides jared obv)

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** yes and i intend to keep it that way

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ah damn 

 

_ 7:14 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** lana im outside cmon 

**A_Beck:** You’re super early. What’s up?   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i found this INCREDIBLE diner and ive decided that you need to taste their food right now

**A_Beck:** I’ll be out in a minute.

 

_ 7:17 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** whered you go moms asking

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** diner w alana

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** OOH is it that rly good one

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ye

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** get me coffee pls

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** fuckin moocher

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** is that a yes

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** fiiine but tell mom im a like a study group or smthng

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** deal

 

_ 7:35 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients:Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** outside

**Tinytreechild:** Coming.

 

_ 7:37 AM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Connor listens to Taylor Swift, guys. 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** are you fucking w me

**Tinytreechild:** And he’s driving right now so he can’t defend himself.

**Tinytreechild:** _ One (1) image attached. Click to download. _

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** well fuck me gently w a chainsaw

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** and not even like decent t swift no thats complete crap wtf connor

**Tinytreechild:** _ One (1) video attached. Click to download. _

**Tinytreechild:** Connor sings really well, wow.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thats what you think until he wont stop singing and its 3am and you want to rip out his vocal cords and feed them to the wolves

**Tinytreechild:** Oh.

**Tinytreechild:** That’s… oddly specific. 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i am saving that video for the rest of my life

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** connor singing shake it off is my new ringtone

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EVAN HoW COULD U B E T R A Y ME LIKE THIS

**Tinytreechild:** In my defense, you’re really cute.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thats not a defense thats a statement of fact

**Tinytreechild:** Same difference.

**A_Beck:** Get to class!   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor i have ur coffee

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i love u

 

_ 11:58 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** Are you going anywhere during break?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** no, why?

**A_Beck:** Wanna hang out outside?   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** of course, near the flagpole?   
**A_Beck:** Yep :)

 

_ 12:12 PM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** _ Three (3) pictures attached. Click to download. _

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** my girlfriend is better than yours

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zo youre the only one w a gf

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im dating ev and jareds dating some mystery boy

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so no girls 

**Tinytreechild:** She isn’t wrong though, her girlfriend is better than your nonexistent one.

**A_Beck:** Stop logicking, that’s my job.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wait wait wait why does zoe get cupcakes a flower crown why dont i

**A_Beck:** Because I love her and not you?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** harsh

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why are u being all romantic alana whats the occasion hmmmmmmm?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** its our 3 month anniversary dipshit

**Tinytreechild:** Happy anniversary!   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i am bitter abt not getting cupcakes but happy anniversary anyway

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i feel like i shouldve known abt this before now

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thats bc you shouldve

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** happy anniversary zolana

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** zolana????   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im too lazy to write out ur names so BAM zolana

**A_Beck:** I like it. 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** it has the Alana Stamp of Approval 

**Tinytreechild:** It’s cute.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** then its settled

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zoe+alana=zolana

 

_ 2:57 PM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Why is homework a thing?   
**Tinytreechild:** Like, was class not stressful enough?

**Tinytreechild:** Now we get the added bonus of extra work?

**Tinytreechild:** What kind of stupid system is this?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thats precisely why i stopped doing hw

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** come over and ill help u

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks, Con.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wheres my hw help, “””con”””?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** up ur ass

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** thanks i hadnt looked there yet

 

_ 3:06 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, bathBOMB _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** you up for ice cream tmmrw? i know a good place

**bathBOMB:** hell yeah

**bathBOMB:** wait why is your name bath bomb eater

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** it is a looooong long story better told in person

**bathBOMB:** then you owe me that tmmrw

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** deal

 

_ 4:14 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** im coming over now, what movies did u pick?

**A_Beck:** Mulan, How to Train Your Dragon (1 and 2), and Shrek.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wtf shrek doesnt have a dragon

**A_Beck:** _ One (1) image attached. Click to download. _

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ...i stand corrected

**A_Beck:** You have snacks?   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** prolly too many

**A_Beck:** see you soon, drive safe

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** love you

**A_Beck:** Mean it.

 

_ 4:32 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** evvvvvvv

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** this suckssssss

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** DID U JUST WINK AT ME I HATE U

**Tinytreechild:** No, you love me.

**Tinytreechild:** And are you surprised that your self-imposed silent game sucks? I think you’re losing, by the way.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** nuh uh its an all or nothing game none of are losing until hsdfksabghjkashkfj

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** YOU LIL SHIT TICKLING IS CHEATING THIS MEANS W A R   
**Tinytreechild:** Bring it on. You’ll lose, because all I have to do is wiggle my fingers and you’ll fall to the ground laughing.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** … shut up

**Tinytreechild:** Make me.

 

_ 6:14 PM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** is everyone off having couple time

**Tinytreechild:** No, Connor had to go to work, so I’m back home.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shh lana n i are watching shrek and shes sleeping on my shoulder 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** if ur texts wake her ill skin u alive 

 

_ 6:16 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechld _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** u wanna come over and lose at mario kart

**Tinytreechild:** On my way.

 

_ 8:23 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** youre sleeping at lanas tonight right

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ye

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** use protection

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh shut it

 

_ 9:36 PM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** hows date night lovergirls

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** splendidly

**A_Beck:** Shush, we’re watching Mulan.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** spoiler alert ping is Not A Guy

**A_Beck:** No shit.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** shutting up

 

_ 9:43 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Tinytreechild:** How was work?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** soul sucking

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i might as well be working at walmart

**Tinytreechild:** Could be worse? You could  _ actually  _ be working at Walmart?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thats my ev, always looking on the bright side

**Tinytreechild:** You going to bed soon?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im gonna try

**Tinytreechild:** Me too.

**Tinytreechild:** Goodnight, Con. Love you!   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** love you too.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** good nitrogen

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** sleep titrogen

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** dont let the bedbugs bitrogen

**Tinytreechild:** .... Go to sleep, Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's confused, jared's mystery date is j.d. from heathers (this is gonna go south real quick sorry jared)
> 
> tell me what else you guys want to see in this fic!
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	9. the gay agenda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hogwarts houses, bad dates, and mario kart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not posting in a while, we had company! ill try to post more regularly this week!

_ 3:36 AM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** guess who got a solid 5 hrs of sleep

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** not me bc you fucking woke me

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why dont you just mute this fucking chat then stupid

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bc then id miss out on this wonderful bonding time u and i share

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** and w that i take my leave

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** thank god

 

_ 6:12 AM- “bc im petty and like annoying ppl” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

_ zzzzZoeMurphy renamed the chat “the gay agenda” _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** were all rly gay here right

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** (i use this as an umbrella term shush)

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ye

**Tinytreechild:** Well, I’d certainly hope so, Con, or this whole relationship thing would get a  _ little  _ awkward.

**Xx_ironicchild_xX:** ev,,,, i love u but,,,, NO HOMO   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** FULL HOMO I AM FULL HOMO 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** jk im pan

**A_Beck:** Yes, Zo, we’re all really gay. Why?   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** bc i just felt rly gay and i felt like making sure all of u could relate

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zo that is so weird

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** pot meet kettle

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** zoe:1, connor:0

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuck why can i never win

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** also y do i never get credit for when i win

**Tinytreechild:** Because the world is conspiring against you.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn i knew it

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** what hogwarts house is everyone in

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** well thats one way to change the subject

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** no i just got an email from pottermore and i felt like i needed to ask

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** cant fault u there

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** im a slytherin

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** heh u fuckin snake

**Tinytreechild:** Hiss hiss. I, too, am a Slytherin.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but u look good in green so its okay

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** 10 pts to slytherin fuckers we got evan

**A_Beck:** I’m a Ravenclaw.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** look at my smart gf

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** im a hufflepuff

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** heh ur a badger

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** connor,,,, so r you,,,

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** WAIT WTF CONNOR IS A HUFFLEPUFF HOLY SHIT HOW   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOW COULD U

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** THAT WAS A SECRET

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** HOW TF ARE U A HUFFLEPUFF 

**Tinytreechild:** Well, Hufflepuffs are loyal, dedicated, and they value hard work. So, Connor when he sets his mind to something, perfectly fits the description of a Hufflepuff.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** but arent hufflepuffs nice

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i am nice now go shove a cactus up your ass you insolent prick 10 pts from slytherin

**A_Beck:** So, both of the Murphys are Hufflepuffs? How sweet.

**Tinytreechild:** Connor really is such a Hufflepuff, I can’t believe I didn’t realize this sooner.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuck ye im a badger

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** so we got no gryffindors?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** GRYFFINDORS SUCK   
**A_Beck:** Gryffindors are overrated.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** gryffindors are stupid

**Tinytreechild:** I don’t have a problem with Gryffindors, actually.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** evan this is a betrayal that cannot be tolerated

 

_ Bath_bomb_eater69 has removed Tinytreechild from the chat. _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** oh you fucker me and my hufflepuff comrades declare war on u

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX had added Tinytreechild to the chat. _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** WAR I SAY   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** WARRRRRR

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** oh ev honey im omw

**Tinytreechild:** What a Hufflepuff.

 

_ 10:15 AM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** gym class fuckin sucks

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** seconded

**Tinytreechild:** Thirded. 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** fourthed

**A_Beck:** Fifthed.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bc like,,, who tf cares if i can kick a fuckin soccer ball into a net

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** someone asked me if i give a fuck abt this class

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** he said

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** and i shit u not

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** “behold the field in which i grow my fucks *gestures widely even though were in a fucking gym and not a field connor wtf* lay thine eyes upon it and thou shall see that it is barren”

**A_Beck:** Very Shakespearean.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** y thank u alana

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** did u get detention

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ye!   
**Tinytreechild:** And this is why we never make plans for before 4:00.

**Tinytreechild:** Oh, that reminds me, are we still on for ice cream?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** oh hell yeah

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wait r u guys gonna go to a la mode bc i have a date there and if yall crash it imma kill u

**Tinytreechild:** We are no longer going there.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** speak for urself i wanna meet this mystery guy

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, if you crash his date, no kisses for a week.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** welp shit

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** evan:1, connor: 0

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hkfjsdfhkjdnshvinwehgiknhskcnhaknhg wehfkghdkjahs

 

_ 1:02 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** y does math suck ass

**A_Beck:** Because you’re not learning it right.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** bc who tf cares abt fucking proofs

**A_Beck:** Honestly, nobody.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ah good bc if i have to do one more im throwing my desk across the room and walking out

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, why do you have Zoe’s phone?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** bc she stole mine at lunch and in retaliation im gonna text using hers

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wait howd u know

**Tinytreechild:** Zoe has never once threatened to throw her desk across the room.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** two can play this game, o dear brother

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ive already changed ur phone language, keyboard language, siri, backgrounds, and ringtones

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ah shit wait u speak french dont you u fuckin nerd

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** hell yeah

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** gotta rechange it

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** vas te faire foutre avec un cactus

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** now its fucking german good luck w that asshole

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ur phones gonna be in fuckin greek now

**Tinytreechild:** Sibling love, everyone.

**A_Beck:** My girlfriend is ruthless.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hell yeah i am

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** connor cant respond anymore bc he cant read greek so he cant type

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** Ξανασκεφτείτε τον μαλάκα

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** what the fuck

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, what the hell?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** Είμαι έξυπνος άντρας

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, give Zoe her phone back now.

**A_Beck:** It’s the middle of class, do it after, and stop texting!

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** es tut mir leid

 

_ 2:59 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**A_Beck:** HELP MY PHONES IN GREEK CONNOR YOU ASSHOLE FIX THIS- zo

**TInytreechild:** Connor’s in detention, remember?

**A_Beck:** fuck you connor- z

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** isnt that evans job

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** rgjendshvjerjdshnglajk ugeisdhfnqknc fehsdfjnklad

**Tinytreechild:** Jared has been temporarily relieved of his phone. 

**A_Beck:** Good.

 

_ 4:05 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im freeeee

**Tinytreechild:** You need to fix Zoe’s phone before she kills someone, then we can go get ice cream.

**Tinytreechild:** To go, just in case Jared’s there.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ugh fiiiiiiiine

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ill pick u up in 20

**Tinytreechild:** Okay, see you soon!   
**Tinytreechild:** This just occured to me, but how did you fix your phone? Also, do you speak Greek or something?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i can read a lot of german, speak a lil, so changing my phone language is no biggie

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** same w greek, i speak and read it pretty well 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i learned them whenever i got rly bad, it helped to have smthng to focus on and a way to express myself that no one else could understand

**Tinytreechild:** That’s actually a really good idea.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ik its bc i came up w it

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** okay i gotta drive now see u soon

**Tinytreechild:** Drive safe!

 

_ 4:17 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** fuck you connor

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jared if u comment ill crash ur date

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** …

 

_ 4:19 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, bathBOMB _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** we still on for ice cream?   
**bathBOMB:** hell yeah

**bathBOMB:** sounds like big fun

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** okay, ill come pick you up in 10

**bathBOMB:** cant wait

 

_ 5:27 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Quick poll- nature documentaries or action movies?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i say whichever one connor doesnt like, date says action movies

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** nature documentaries bc i  _ know  _ connor said action movies

**A_Beck:** I’m with Zo.

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, you lost bad. 4 to 2.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im really feeling the love guys

**Tinytreechild:** Shut up, Con, it’s time for the next tree documentary.

 

_ 5:31 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild _

 

**Tinytreechild:** How’s the date?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** its good, hes a lil intense tho 

**Tinytreechild:** Do you need rescue?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** nah i dont think so?? send me a text in 10 jjust in case 

**Tinytreechild:** Will do.

 

_ 5:41 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Jared, can you come over? I’m really not feeling well, and Mom’s not home. Can you come drive me to the doctor?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ill be there in 10 omw out the door

**Tinytreechild:** Thank you.

**Tinytreechild:** You out yet?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ye

**Tinytreechild:** What happened?   
**Bath_bomb_eater69:** he got  _ reeally  _ intense like a lil creepy so i just wanted out

**Tinytreechild:** You can come over if you want.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** prepare to lose at mario kart

**Tinytreechild:** I designate Connor as my second.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** well shit

 

_ 6:12 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** zoe why is connor so good at mario kart

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** sheer spite

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** he didnt want me to win when we were little so he got good out of sheer spite

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** this is unfair

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** youre telling me

 

_ 7:21 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Final Mario Kart scores: Jared-1, Connor-21, Evan-3

**A_Beck:** Jared, that’s pretty sad.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** hush up you

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wow you rly suck

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** you hush up too

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jared were you playing w the controller behind your back or smthng bc thats rly sad

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** everyone hush up

 

_ 8:34 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** holy shit i just found the book i lost in 3rd grade that i had to pay for imma go to that teacher and demand my money back

**Tinytreechild:** Or you could, you know,  _ not  _ do that.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** why not

**Tinytreechild:** Because it’s a bad idea.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** damn youre right but like

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ev youre like 99% of my impulse control btw

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wo u id prolly like cut one leg off of every chair in the house and rebalance the cchair so the next person would fall

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wtf connor

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** diabolical

**A_Beck:** Connor, what the hell?

**Tinytreechild:** Good to know…

 

_ 10:54 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** what are 10 reasons that i shouldnt turn into a snail rn

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** …

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i cant think of any and its rly bothering me

 

_ 10:56 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _ __  
  


**Xx_ironicname_xX:** before u ask, no im not high

**Tinytreechild:** Okay, good. 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** should i go to sleep or watch bootlegged musicals

**Tinytreechild:** Sleep.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** l e t m e l i v e

**Tinytreechild:** You’re gonna be up at 3 anyway, so get in 5 hours and  _ then  _ watch your musicals.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** youre too smart

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** night night, love you, sleep well

**Tinytreechild:** Love you too, sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vas te faire foutre avec un cactus- go fuck yourself with a cactus  
> Ξανασκεφτείτε τον μαλάκα- think again asshole  
> Είμαι έξυπνος άντρας- i'm a smart guy
> 
> tell me what you think!


	10. shameless fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor The Caring Boyfriend to the rescue, second dates, and all around fluff

_ 4:20 AM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** blaze it

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wait is no one else awake

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** connor where r u

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** well shit

 

_ 6:04 AM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** EVAN HANSEN

**Tinytreechild:** Connor Murphy?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BC OF U I SLEPT FOR LIKE 7 HRS   
**Tinytreechild:** Is that bad? Why are you using all caps?   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** NO IT ISNT BAD BUT SINCE I HAVENT SLEPT THIS MUCH SINCE THE WOMB I AM Z A Z Z e D 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** HENCE THE ALL CAPS

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shit bro i can hear u dancing around from here

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** r u sure ur not high

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** REASONABLY SURE YEA

**A_Beck:** I’m glad you slept well, Connor.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** THANK U ALANA 

**Tinytreechild:** I am sick!

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wait sick of what

**Tinytreechild:** Nothing, but I have a 101.8 degree fever and I feel like I was hit by a drunk elephant.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im omw w soup

**Tinytreechild:** Soup doesn’t help headaches?   
**Tinytreechild:** Connor?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh no hes gone

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** prepare to be souped

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ill grab ur work so u dont fall behind

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks.

**A_Beck:** What are your symptoms?   
**Tinytreechild:** Um, sensitivity to light, sensitivity to noise, throbbing headache, dry mouth.

**A_Beck:** Close your curtains, put in earplugs if you have them (headphones if you don’t), take 2 ibuprofen every 6 hours, and drink a lot of fluids.

**A_Beck:** And stop texting! Blue light is bad for headaches.

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks, Alana!

\---

“Ev?”   
“...in here…”

“Oh, shit, you’re burning up, drink this. Take these, I’m gonna get some cold cloths.”

“...thank you…”

“Here. No- lay back down, Evan, I swear to God.”

“I’m not that sick, I feel better already, maybe I should go to school?”

“If you can walk down the stairs, you can go to school.”   
“Stop smirking, god damn you.”

“Shit- Watch your step! Yeah, you’re not going anywhere, Ev.”

“...”

“Eat your soup.”

“Fight me.”

“Ev, you’re super sick and super tiny. Which one of us would win?”

“... shut up.”

“Go back to sleep.” 

“Ugh, fine. Can you come by after school?”

“Of course, I have work until 4, so I’ll come a little after that.”

“Thanks, Con.”

“My pleasure, Ev. Now- sleep!”

“G’night…”

“Love you.”

\---

_ 7:23 AM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** evan is Sicker Than Was Previously Thought

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** well shit

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** uh oh

**A_Beck:** Did he take any medicine?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ye

**A_Beck:** He should be fine by tomorrow the, Sunday at the latest.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** all of u bow down to my smart gf

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** B O W I S A Y

**A_Beck:** Thanks, Zo :)

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** go to class lovebirds

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** and u too emo

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuk u

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ;)

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hfskjdkdsgjanidsjg;a

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** as understudy evan, i am able to say

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** jared-1, connor-0

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i cant win

**A_Beck:** No, you can’t. Go to class now.

 

_ 9:32 AM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i cant get the bill nye theme out of my head

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** we were watching it in physics and now

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL, BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BILL NYEEE, THE SCIENCE GUY

**A_Beck:** Inertia is a property of matter.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** BILLLL NYEEEE, THE SCIENCE GUY

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** evolution is a hoax

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thank u for your input, however stupid it may be

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bees arent real

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wtf u were complaining abt getting stung this morning 

**A_Beck:** Jared, bees are very real.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** FAKE NEWS

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** wtf jared

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** oh shit teachers coming for my phone whAT A WORLD WHAT A WORLDDDDDDDD

**A_Beck:** Oh, thank god.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** seconded

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bees

 

_ 12:49 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** when does school ennddddddddddd

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** never

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** not helpful douchebag

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i aim to please

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** why do fridays go slower than any other day

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bc theyre taunting you w hope only to snatch it away at the last second, leaving you an empty shell where light once was

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thats scarily poetic

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** r u high

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** no im in english class 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i am high on the works of fmaous poets whos names i cant call to mind right now as i pay approximately 0 attention in this class

**A_Beck:** Whitman and Poe are the two we’re on right now, Connor. Put your phone away, I can see you texting from here.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** lana,,,,, ur sitting right next to me,,,  _ of course  _ u can see my phone

**A_Beck:** Shhhhhh.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** bees

 

_ 2:51 PM- “the gay agenda” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** FREEDOM AT LAST   
**zzzzZoeMurphy:** heh not for u

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** u have work til 4 dont u

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** fuck u right

**A_Beck:** Zo, wanna come over? I have food.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** omw im bringing a movie

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** is it the bee movie

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jared what is up w you and bees today 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** do u have a bee kink

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** OF COURSE I DO NOT HAVE A BEE KINK

**Xx_ironicname_xX: ...** sounds like smthng someone w a bee kink would say…

 

_ Xx_ironicname_xX renamed the chat “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** connor murphy i hate u so much 

**Tinytreechild:** Don’t be mean to Connor.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** H E L I V E S   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** and thank u ev

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i am offended by this blatant show of favoritism

**Tinytreechild:** Well, he is my favorite.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** WHAT WHY I THOUGHT I WAS WTF IS THIS BETRAYAL

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** suck it kleinman

**Tinytreechild:** Don’t be mean to Jared.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** oh how the tables have tabled

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shit i gtg Work Has Begun

**Tinytreechild:** Bye!

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** if u get fired ill laugh

 

_ 4:02 PM- “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** IM FREE FOR REAL THIS TIME   
**Tinytreechild:** Come over, I’m lonely.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** omw

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** gag

\---

“Ev? You upstairs?”

“Yeah, can you grab me some food from the kitchen?”

“Of course.”

“Chocolate! Oh, I love you so much.”

“Only because I bring you chocolate?”

“That’s like. 98% of it, yeah.”

“I’m gonna sulk now.”

“If it makes you feel better, your hair is the other 2%. Did you do something with it today? It looks nice.”

“I brushed it.”

“Makes a huge difference.”

“C’mere,  I want to cuddle.”

“I’m gonna get you sick.”

“Eh, probably. You feeling any better?”

“Loads. Mmmm, you’re warm.”

“Are you calling me hot?”

“I wasn’t, but you  _ are  _ hot so…”

“Aww, do you have a  _ crush  _ on me?”

“CONNOR MURPHY, WE ARE LITERALLY  _ DATING  _ OF COURSE I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU.”

“That’s so sweet! You  _ like-like  _ me!”

“Connor, I’ll shove you off the bed.”

“Love you too.”

“Shut up and let me sleep, I’m ill.”

“Do you need more medicine?”   
“No, I took some before you came.”

“Okay, sleep now, I’ll wake you before I go.”

“Thanks, hon. Love you…”

\---

 

_ 5:16 PM- “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** _ One (1) image attached. Click to download. _

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** my bf is cuter than yours

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** shit u rite

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** okay he is adorable im  _ s w o o n i n g _

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** soft connor, everyone

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** connor ur scaring me i dont know how to respond when ur not hostile and mean to me

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** oh fuck off kleinman

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** there we go

**A_Beck:** Is Evan feeling any better?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yee

**A_Beck:** That’s good.

 

_ 6:02 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, bathBOMB _

 

**bathBOMB:** so, ik our last date didnt go so well and thats my fault, so i wanted to say sorry

**bathBOMB:** i also wanted to ask if youd be willing to try again?

**bathBOMB:** its okay if you say no

**bathBOMB:** i just rly like you and im scared that i rly fucked things up between us

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** yeah, we can try again

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** does tmmrw at 1 work? we can grab lunch

**bathBOMB:** yeah :)   
**bathBOMB:** maybe now you can get around to telling me your bath bomb eating story

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** deal

 

 

_ 9:45 PM- “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** I’m cured!   
**A_Beck:** That’s great!

**A_Beck:** But you’re probably still contagious.

**Tinytreechild:** Well, shit.

 

 

_ 11:41 PM- “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** im gonna fight the sun

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ...go on

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i just dislike heat and sunlight and i have fuckign sunburn but its like also winter wtf

**A_Beck:** Hon, don’t fight the sun. You’ll lose.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** oh ye of little faith

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** see i will refridgerate myself ahead of time

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** foolproof

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zo,,,, u good???

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** yes i am just bloodthirsty

**Tinytreechild:** The sun has no blood?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** shhhhh

**A_Beck:** Zo, sweetie, go to sleep.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** good idea

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** night lana, love you

**A_Beck:** Love you more.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** gggggaaaaagggg

**Tinytreechild:** Connor, you sleep too. 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** but i dont wanna

**Tinytreechild:** Well, do it anyway.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** u make a good point

**Tinytreechild:** Goodnight, Connor. Love you!   
**Xx_ironicname_xX:** mean it

**Bath_bomb_eater69:**  wheres my “goodnight jared i love you”

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** …

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** fuk all of u

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** goodnight jared i love u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!!


	11. angst inc.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angsty as all hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advance

_ 3:15 AM- “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** sleep is for the week

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i agree

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wait nvm if u agree i gotta change my position

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i agree

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** now ur just fucking w me

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i agree

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hihskjnlgjlg

**A_Beck:** Jared-1, Connor- 0.

 

_ 9:04 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** good morning ev

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** can i come over

**Tinytreechild:** Of course, is something wrong?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes very

**Tinytreechild:** Come over, we can talk about it here. Do you need me to come get you?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** nah zo will drop me at yours on her way to lanas

**Tinytreechild:** Okay, see you in a few. Love you.

 

_ 9:05 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** lana can i come stay at your place

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i cant be at home rn

**A_Beck:** Of course you can, hon. Did something happen?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** yes

**A_Beck:** Do you want to talk about it?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** yes but in person

**A_Beck:** Hurry over. I love you.

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** love you more

\---

“Hey, Con, what’s the matter?”

“...”

“Oh, don’t cry, here, come sit. Do you want to talk about it?”   
“Yeah, it’s just… Fucking Larry is a douchebag.”

“What’d he do?”

“He went through Zo’s phone, read her texts to Lana. He then proceeded to yell at her about having a girlfriend. He said, and I quote, ‘One gay child is bad enough.’ I fought with him, mostly about him being a douchewad to Zoe but also about the whole ‘one gay child’ shit, and he got fed up. He… um… he hit me and then I took Zoe and left.”

“Oh my god. What a dick. You know that he’s an asshole, right? And you shouldn’t take anything he says to heart? And he hit you? What the hell? Are you okay?”

“I know but… ugh, it’s just hard when that’s all you hear at home. And yeah, it doesn’t hurt that bad, I just think it’s going to bruise. Ev, stop fussing, I’m fine, really.”

“First of all, no. Let me fuss. I need to be sure you’re not hurt badly. Second of all, why the hell haven’t you told me before now? I thought it was getting better at your house! And no deflecting. I want an honest answer.”

“I just... You’ve been so good lately, I didn’t want you to be worrying about me…”

“So you pretended to be fine? Con, you know you don’t have to pretend with me. I’m here for you always, and worrying about you is part of the job description. You shouldn’t be afraid to let me help you because you’re worried that it’ll set me back. If you’re not okay, you have to tell someone, not bottle it up and hide it away. I love you, Connor, and I want to help you, if you’ll let me.”

“I..I love you, Evan Hansen.”

“I love you more, Connor Murphy.”

“Well, I love you most. Beat that.”

“Don’t stick your tongue out, we’re having a moment.”

“I think the moment ended.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Can we watch a movie or something? I don’t want to dwell, I need a distraction.”

“Of course, I’ll get a tree documentary.”

“It better be a different one than last time, I know more about oak trees now than I think I will ever need to know in the course of my life.”

“I’m grabbing the one on deforestation.”

“You’re gonna cry.”

“Yes.”

“Well, at least you know that in advance. Now, hurry up, I need cuddles. And you should play with my hair.”

“Okay, your highness.”

“Hush, peon, the film commences.”

“...”

\---

“L-Lana?”

“Zo? Don’t cry! Oh, Zo, c’mere, what’s the matter?”

“It’s… They… I…”

“Zoe, breathe. In and out. Try to calm down. I’m here for you. Shhh, don’t cry.”

“T-t-thanks, Alana.”

“Anytime, darling.”

“Okay, I think I’m calm enough now.”

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“T-they found out, L-Lana, oh god….”

“Deep breaths. Who found out about what?”

“My p-p-parents.. They know we’re d-dating, and that I’m-m a lesbian.”

“Oh, shit. Did they not take it well?”

“Not a-at all. Larry just a-about kicked m-me out after y-y-yelling for an hour and C-Connor yelled b-back a-at Larry and now he got h-hurt, and it’s all my f-fault and-”

“Zo. It is not your fault. Larry is a dick. He is a terrible father and nothing he said is true, you know that, right?”

“It’s hard, Lana, all I can think about is how much he h-hates me, and oh my god, C-Connor must-t hate m-me too, oh god-”

“Zoe, you need to breathe. I don’t want you to have a panic attack.”

“D-distract me.”

“With what?”   
“Anything-g.”

“How about… all the reasons I love you. Zo, I love your smile, I love how wonderful it makes me feel, I love how real it is and how perfect it is. I love your quirks, I love the galaxies you’ve drawn on my clothes, I love looking at all of those stars and thinking of you. I love how you dance- alive and unafraid, like you don’t care who is watching. I love the way you talk, because you’re so calming and gentle but also steely and strong. I love that you’re always there for anyone who needs it, especially me. I love that you can always see what’s wrong and you always try to fix it. I love-”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“I also love your kisses.”

“I’d really hope so, otherwise your behavior in the past few minutes would be  _ really  _ weird.”

“Oh, hush you. You feeling better?”

“Yeah. I just wanna sleep now.”

“Here, come upstairs, let’s take a nap.”

“I love you, Alana.”

“Mean it.”

\---

 

_ 11:23 AM- “jared kleinman has a bee kink” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** shit ik its a saturday and all but this chat is rly dead 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** where are yall

**Tinytreechild:** Connor is with me, he’s currently yelling at my TV.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** do i want to know

**Tinytreechild:** Yes.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ok ill bite. y?

**Tinytreechild:** We were watching my deforestation documentary and they were showing the effects of deforestation on different animals, and Connor got really sad about the poor birds losing their homes, so he decided to fight the documentary.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wtf connor

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ev im fighting the tv abt the lemurs not the birds

**Tinytreechild:** Con, you just yelled “Save the fucking birds, you inflectionless monsters!”.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** exposed

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shhhhh

**A_Beck:** I’m with Zo, she’s sleeping.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wink wonk

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** shut up jared

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** glad shes getting some rest

**A_Beck:** Okay, gotta go, don’t want to wake Zo with notifications.

**Tinytreechild:** Us too, deforestation is a serious issue that we need to be educated on.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** byeeeee

 

_ 11:25 AM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Xx_ironicname_xX, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hows zoe?

**A_Beck:** She’s better, all cried out and is now sleeping. She’s been asleep for maybe two hours?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** did she tell u what happened?

**A_Beck:** Yeah, and I’m sorry. That’s really shitty, what Larry did.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yes it is

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** how long can she stay at ur place? 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** bc im gonna run back to the house and grab her stuff but i dont want to grab too much or too little

**A_Beck:** She can stay as long as she wants, until she’s safe at home.

**A_Beck:** Is it safe for you to be going back? She told me that he hurt you.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ill be fine, im gonna get in and out fast so i dont have to see him

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** thank you for taking care of my sister

**A_Beck:** Always.

 

_ 12:42 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ev i may have massively screwed up

**Tinytreechild:** What’d you do?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** i mightve agreed to go on another date w jd

**Tinytreechild:** That sounds like a bad plan.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ur tellin me

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** were going to that italian place near the school incase i get murdered

**Tinytreechild:** Don’t say that, he’s probably not a murderer.

**Tinytreechild:** Oh my god, what if he’s a murderer?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ev ur freaking out more than me and im the one going to meet him

**Tinytreechild:** Oh my god.

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** wish me luck i gotta go now

**Tinytreechild:** Good luck! Don’t get killed! Text me how it goes!

 

_ 12:51 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hey zo

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you up?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** unfortunately

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** you ok?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** no, you?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** not rly no

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** damn were screwed up

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** uk none of this is your fault, right? larrys just an ass, you did nothing wrong

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i know but its hard to accept that

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** i keep feeling guilty abt him yelling at you and that shit

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** DONT

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** it was NOT YOUR FAULT

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i defended u knowing that this would happen

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** its not ur fault, it was my choice

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thanks connor

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** anytime zo

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** im running to the house to grab some shit, what do you need?

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** indigo duffle bag under my bed

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** okay ill drop it off in a little bit

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ur the best

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i know

\---

“Soo…”

“How was your week, Jared?”

“Um, it was okay. School sucks ass, obviously. What school did you say you went to, J.D.?”

“Westerberg, not far from here. It’s a blast, I must say.”

“Sounds better than mine, maybe I should transfer.”

“Ha! Oh wait, you have to tell me the bath bomb story!”

“So I was at Lush-”

“That’s where we met!”

“Yes. So I was at Lush, and there was this one bath bomb that looked like an apple. Evan, he’s my friend, tossed it to me, and I thought it was an actual apple and he, like, I don’t know, had it in his bag or something? So I took a bite out of it. And I started gagging, because it was a fucking bath bomb, but I had to swallow the mouthful because I was in fucking Lush and you can’t just spit it out all over their floors, right? Evan really got a kick out of that. Then an employee came over, saw the half eaten bath bomb, and forever banned me from Lush.”

“Oh wow. Wait, if you’re banned at Lush, how did we meet there?”

“Who follows bans anyway?”

“Rule-abiding citizens.”

“Sounds boring.”

“True.”

“Enough about me. Tell me something fun about you.”

“Hmm. 7/11 is my happy place.”

“Why?”

“I like the Slurpees and the brain freeze I get from them is the best thing.”

“What the hell? Brain freeze sucks, though?”

“No, the pain gives me a moment of forgetting who I am and all the bad things in the world.”

“... Oh.”

“Well, food’s here! Eat up!”

\---

 

_ 1:04 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** wish me luck im going in

**Tinytreechild:** Good luck.

 

_ 1:32 PM- “couples” _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** success

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** zo and lana im bring zoes bag ill be over in 10

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** ev im bringing an actual movie and also snacks you have none

**Tinytreechild:** Hmmm, I wonder why???

**A_Beck:** Zoe says thank you, she’s too lazy to go get her phone.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** tickle her

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** fuk u

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** (:

 

_ 1:37 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so i was packing clothes right

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** and guess what

**Tinytreechild:** What?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** all of my hoodies are missing

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** u wouldnt know anything abt that, would u???

**Tinytreechild:** In my defense, they’re really warm and soft.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i know thats wHY I GOT THEM

**Tinytreechild:** I’ll let you borrow one when you get home.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** jokes on you im stealing ur sweaters too

**Tinytreechild:** Love you :)

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** yeah yeah yeah

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** i gotta drive, see you in 15

**Tinytreechild:** Drive safe.

 

_ 3:12 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild _

 

**Tinytreechild:** How was the date?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** not bad actually

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** he said some weird shit abt brain freeze and also blowing shit up but net net not bad

**Tinytreechild:** Blowing shit up???

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** said in passing

**Tinytreechild:** So you’re gonna see him again?

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** prolly

**Tinytreechild:** Awesome.

 

_ 6:41 PM- . ”dysfunctional family” _

_ Recipients: MaplessMom, FuckingLarry, zzzzZoeMurphy, Xx_ironicname_xX _

 

**FuckingLarry:** Are you two ever planning on coming back?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** nah

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** when youre not a dick

**MaplessMom:** Zoe! Watch your language!

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** hes a dick, im just stating facts

**MaplessMom:** Apologize to your father.

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** or dont

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** he doesnt deserve a fucking apology

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** hes a terrible person

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** so on behalf of all decent ppl, fuck off larry murphy

**FuckingLarry:** That’s quite enough. Now, you two better come back home by Monday after school. Is that understood?

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** “home”

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** ill decide when im ready to go back

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** goodbye, im gonna go hang out w someone who actually cares abt me

 

_ 6:52 PM- Private Message _

_ Recipients: Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy _

 

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** good job standing up to larry

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** thanks for defending me

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was getting too fluffy, i felt the need to mix it up a lil
> 
> sorry?
> 
> tell me how it worked out!

**Author's Note:**

> hope you like!   
> comments and kudos make my day!  
> hell, even leaving the entire script of the bee movie would make my day  
> :)


End file.
